Three Years in Norway?!?!

On February 1, 2013, four weary travelers arrived in Oslo. Tired, jet lagged, and quite overwhelmed, yet relieved to have made it. And ready for whatever was to come.

Well, we thought we were ready. What was to come was a lot. Ups and downs. Good days and frustrating ones. But through it all, we've come to love living here.

Happy Three Year Anniversary to us!

Then

Now

Homesick?

I tried my best to prepare for it. For everything that was about to happen as we headed to the states. But I knew we could't truly be prepared, that we couldn't totally know what to expect.

And especially when it came to our boys.

They had not been to the states in over three years. Norway has become home, probably more so for them than for us. Daniel has actually lived in our home in Sandefjord longer than he's lived anywhere else in his entire life.

They were super excited about going to America. But we didn't know what it would be like for them. I anticipated a mix of emotions, of highs and lows. And I imagined that even with all the excitement,  at some point they would become homesick.

And as I thought about that a bit more, I realized that homesickness is actually a constant in this life we live.

We have experienced homesickness on a fairly consistent basis since probably 2007.

I remember being incredibly homesick our first time in Ukraine. It was our first time in a non-English speaking country. The availability of internet, even 8 years ago, just wasn't what it was now. There were so many unknowns and so much uncertainty around us (plus, we were about to become parents for the first time - yikes!).

And yet, when we arrived home with our first son a month later, we found ourselves feeling a bit homesick for Ukraine. Sounds weird, but it is true.

It happened again in 2010 when we adopted our second child. Homesick for America, then homesick for Ukraine.

We experienced it when we lived in Canada. And at that point, I started realizing that the homesickness we are experiencing is not necessarily about a place. It is more about family, friends, and familiarity.

We felt it it when we first moved here to Norway and made it through that initial 'honeymoon' phase.

And while I love our city and friends and life in Norway, we still experience it.

It seems there is always a lingering homesickness in me. It is there regardless of where I am.

After three years living outside of my home culture, I've come to realize that I might never feel totally at home again. There will always be something I miss from one of my homes.

It's one of those things you learn to live with, that you accept as a part of this cross-culture lifestyle.

And I also see now that it doesn't necessarily have to be a negative thing.

Instead, I consider it a reminder of the opportunities we've had in life, the people and places who've impacted and changed us, and the memories of the family, the friends, and the familiar.

So thanks to so many of you for making us feel at home in so many different places.

For making us feel homesick.

And for keeping up with us, through the crazy times, the boring times, and everything in between.

Yes, we are still here!

Our two months in America flew by, and this past Saturday we returned home to Norway. I'd hoped to blog more while in the states, but we were extremely busy and it just simply did not happen.

We do, however, have several things we'll share in the coming weeks.

The Coffee Tour will kick off again this Monday, with a visit to a coffee roasting company in Duluth, Georgia.

And we'll share a bit about what we did and what it was like being back after a few years away.

Hope you all had a great Christmas, and here's to a fantastic 2016!

The last SIX days...

We are definitely in countdown mode, as we prepare to go 'home' for the holidays!

I kicked off our Saturday morning by introducing our boys to Neil Diamond. They thought I was a bit crazy, but it was fun singing America!

We are about two-thirds of the way through our packing. I'm struggling a bit as I look at the forecast and see the really warm temps, knowing that we'd already packed away our summer clothes! But we'll manage - or we'll shop a bit!

So I apologize that we aren't totally engaged on the blog right now. We are busy finishing up things here before saying 'see you soon' to everyone on this side of the ocean.

But we'll be back soon, with observations on our first time back in the states as a family in more than three years!

Throwing the Shock in Reverse

Those of you that have been hanging out with us for a likely remember that we've written a bit on the blog about culture, and adapting to life in a new country. Things we've learned and experienced as we journeyed across the ocean. Differences in Norwegian & American culture. Things that were strange or difficult for us. Things we love about this culture and country.

Things like...
Our "What's It Like" series (here)
Our "Christmas Cheer" series (here)
The boys' school experience (here)

Yeah, three years of learning and being challenged, feeling frustrated at times, and at other times quite encouraged, struggling to understand differences, working to find substitutes for things that were once normal for us, finding balance in a new routine, and so much more.

We have grown to love life in Europe. It has become home. Then again, we've also learned that the idea of home has greatly changed. There is no longer that one place that is home for us. Instead, it's a feeling, and it's more about who than where.

But now it's time for a bit of reverse culture shock... the Dove family is embarking on a visit to our other home! We're headed to America soon (in 15 days, to be exact), where we'll be spending the holidays with family and friends, doing a bit of work, and relaxing a bit as well.

Zack and I have each been back to the states once. But our boys have not been there in over three years. Needless to say, they are a bit excited!

We are excited as well - and maybe a bit apprehensive. Three years is a long time. And we'd be lying if we said this time and experience has not changed us.

Two months in America - this is going to be interesting!

So stay tuned to see just how much we've changed - and how much the world and life we left have gone off and changed on us!

Where are you from?

It seems like a simple question. Yet, when the flight attendant asked our 10 year old those four little words earlier this week, we realized that sometimes it isn't necessarily so easy.

Daniel looked at her, and we listened to see how he would respond. Would he name his country of birth, where he spent his first five years? Or maybe his country of citizenship, where he has extended family?

But without any real hesitation, he answered "Norway!"

The flight attendant went on to ask other questions, and complimented him on speaking English so well. A bit funny for us to hear of course, although we later joked that he could have responded "thanks, it's my second language!"

But as we thought back over it, we also reminded ourselves that Daniel probably does have more of a sense of home here in Norway than anywhere else. While there were 5 years in Ukraine, he really doesn't remember that. And he loves the idea of America, but most of it is based on our conversations and not the 2 years he lived there. And then had a short 4 month stint in Canada.

But for the last 2 1/2 years, he has called Norway home. He has lived in this house longer than anywhere else. He knows his way around. He has good friends. We joke that he is like a little celebrity or politician, rarely walking into the town without someone recognizing him and saying hi. He feels at home here.

This is one of those interesting things that would not have crossed my mind as a child. In fact, I would likely not have given it much thought even five years ago. But for our kids, home really does become less about a place, and more about a feeling, a sense of belonging, the spot wherever they are together with immediate family.

~~~~~~~~~
For more on our sense of 'home', check out THIS POST.

Cross-Cultural Living: lessons from a pack of Pop-Tarts

Somewhere in the skies between our sleepy little town of Sandefjord and the bustling capital of the Netherlands, we sat side by side. Trays down, awaiting whatever culinary masterpiece the Dutch airline had carefully selected as the snack for coach.

I watched as my 13-year-old seated next to me opened the cheese and yogurt sandwich, and ate it rather quickly. While it's not so odd for him to devour food, this did not seek like something he would consume with such haste.

But in a matter of a couple of minutes, the tiny paper box was emptied of its contents. And then he began rummaging through his backpack. Soon, he produced on his tray table a rectangular silver package.

I looked at his face and saw a look of pure happiness. He carefully opened the wrapper and withdrew its contents: two frosted cherry-filled pastries.

Most American teenagers would recognize these without a second thought. And most would probably not understand the gravity of this moment (okay, a bit melodramatic, but humor me...). But for my boy, this was a rare treat: a delicacy in its time and place. A gift from recent American visitors, my blonde-headed man-child sat and relished every last bite of his beloved Pop-Tarts.

As I watched, I was first reminded that often the simple things are the best. Big vacations we've taken are punctuated in our children's minds by the night we stayed up late eating junk food and watching movies. Or the time they got to 'skate' in their shoes across a frozen parking lot. Or the fun of taking a bath in a garden tub (we only have a shower).

I also thought about the fact that you often don't realize your desires or affections until they're removed from you. Or maybe you don't realize the things you really could do without until they aren't right under foot. Not that my boy is driven by a love of Pop-Tarts. But the metaphor is there. Something that was once inexpensive and readily available has now become rare, and a highly-prized indulgence.

This non-event reminded me of how we need to take time to enjoy the things we love. Again, it was only Pop-Tarts. But how many times do I zip through moments of significance, and instead live in constant anticipation, continually waiting for whatever is next? While there is always a danger of letting the small joys of life become big distractions, there is also a balance.

We all have certain interests, passions. So long as they don't distract from who we were created to be, we should take the time to enjoy them.

All this from a pack of Pop-Tarts. Who knew what a twin-pack of toaster pastries could hold?



For those who've followed along for awhile, you might remember that we also make our own, healthier version of Pop-Tarts from time to time (read about that here).

Now it feels like home!

Packing for Virginia (3 years ago last week)
There's Santa!

Expat life often involves lots of suitcases. Lots of cleaning out and paring things down. Change. Moves. New places, new faces, and a search for a sense of home.

One of my childhood friends is preparing to move his family to Italy. His wife recently posted on Facebook, asking expat friends for suggestions on what to pack and what not to pack.

I really enjoyed reading the comments. And some stood out more than others.

A couple of people suggested something that I especially appreciated. They encouraged her to pick out a couple of items in her current home that they could take with them as a symbol of home. Then, no matter where they are, when they see these things, they'll know they're home.

We actually have one such item ourselves. He was a gift from Zack the first Christmas after we got married. He's a beanie baby Santa. He stays out year round at our home. And he lives wherever we live. 

Three homes in Georgia, then Virginia, Vancouver, Oslo and now Sandefjord.

Most people who see it probably think it's weird that we have a Santa sitting out. But when I see him, I know I'm home.

If you were preparing to move overseas, what would you insist on taking with you? What is one thing you have that always lets you know you're home?

TimeHop - January 31, 2013

Two years ago today, we were sitting in the airport in Vancouver. Sitting with lots of emotions. Excited. Nervous. Scared. Happy. Curious. You name it, we were probably feeling it. We really didn't know exactly what to expect.

What's it like? Posts about living here...

February 2, 2013 (Oslo) - Is it me, or do we
look a lot different in this picture than now?

We are approaching our two year anniversary of moving to Norway. Wow. Gotta stop and let that one sink in for a second.

Anyway, after almost two years, we continue to get a lot of questions via email or social media about various aspects of living in Europe. I love sharing, and I've done quite a few posts in the past about what it's like.

I plan to continue sharing more of these. And maybe I'll elaborate on some. If you have a suggestion for this series, feel free to let me know. After two years, there are many things that I don't even think of as being different or significant anymore, but someone else might be curious about them.

For now, I thought I would revisit them by sharing the links of the previous "What's It Like" posts here (there are quite a few!):

• Eating Out
• Easter
• Candy
• Cost of Living
• Driving
• Shoes at the door
• Winter mornings
• Easy things aren't always easy
• A Day in the Life (2014 edition)
• The boys' school
• Driver's license
• Being the new person
• Architecture
• Recycling
• Pant (returning bottles)
• Language school
• Grocery shopping
• Signs
• Hospitality: American ~ Norwegian
• Washing dishes
• Cooking (multiple posts):  sushi ~ pizza ~ favorite recipes ~ from scratch 
• Norwegian healthcare system
• What is Home?
• Homesick
• Taste of the USA
• Feeling blue
• Goodbyes
• Feeling Disconnected
• Handling Holidays

There's no place like home!

Lunch before leaving the hospital - don't I look thrilled?

Monday night was a long night. I think I had been so in and out all day Monday that I just wasn't very sleepy when night came. Add to that the elements of being in the hospital with a lot of activity around, and two other people in the room, and it just made for a long night.

I got up Tuesday morning and made my way down the hall to the patient cafeteria. This was quite different from my experiences in American hospitals! The nurse will gladly bring food to your room when you aren't up to moving around, but I was encouraged to try and start walking a bit so I could be discharged. So I had a bite to eat and then went back to my room, exhausted but happy with the progress.

Zack dropped the boys off at school and then came to the hospital. We sat around a bit, and then I had a meeting and exam with the doctor, who said I could go home after lunch. I managed to get myself dressed while Zack went downstairs and fill my prescriptions, and then he accompanied to the cafeteria.

Around 13.00/1:00 PM Tuesday afternoon I was released and we made our way home. Again, exhausting is the best word that comes to mind. Everything is exhausting right now. But I slept much better last night, and I feel a bit more energetic today. I'm trying to get up and move every hour or so, and each time it gets a little better. I just keep reminding myself that this will take a while!

Surgery: let's try this again / Operasjon: en gang til

SURGERY RESCHEDULED...

As you may have read on a previous post (here), I was supposed to have surgery in early December. But it didn't happen. I was third on the schedule, and apparently the two before me took longer than expected.

I've been anxiously waiting on word from the hospital regarding my rescheduled date. We left for our time in Hungary and I still hadn't heard anything. But as we arrived home yesterday we checked the mail, and there it was! I am on the schedule for January 19. And based on the time that I have to be there, it looks like I'm early on the schedule, too.

So here we go again! I'll keep you all posted...

What next? / New year, new opportunities

Just a few hours ago, we found ourselves sitting at the airport in Budapest, with some time to spare before we departed for home. While Zack and Daniel explored shops and walked around, William and I talked about setting goals for 2015. Lots of things were discussed, including reading the Bible more, social goals (cross-cultural living can often make you a bit less social), family time, and improving areas of our lives.

What is it about the changing of the calendar that gives us the feeling of wanting to and even the motivation that we need to change, or refocus, to start something new, or to put something behind us? As we say goodbye to one year and hello to another, why is it that most people take time to evaluate and reflect?

Now don't get me wrong. I do like the idea of looking at a new year as a blank page filled with opportunity and promise. There are definitely things I want to focus on and things I need to set aside.

But the reality is I want - and need - to do this every day. Each day is filled with opportunity. Each time I wake, I am given the chance to choose.

I lie down and sleep; I wake again because the Lord sustains me. (Psalms 3:5 HCSB)
Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. (Lamentations 3:23 NLT)
But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me, and through each night I sing his songs, praying to God who gives me life. (Psalms 42:8 NLT)

So for 2015, I choose to approach each day in search of opportunities to show kindness, to put love into action, to be an encouragement, to learn from my mistakes, to use wisely what I've been given, and to be open about my struggles.

The last few months have especially revealed to me the importance of that last item. I have always been quick to share when things are going well. But when I open up about what I'm struggling with, it leaves me vulnerable. However, I'm learning that my vulnerability is minuscule in comparison to what else can happen.

My openness often allows others to know they are not alone. We joke that misery loves company, but I think it is so valuable to know you are not alone in your valley, and to have someone to walk along with. And almost without fail, people who have previously faced similar experiences will share and encourage me.

Opening up also shows that life isn't always sunshine and roses. Sometimes it helps others understand the not-so-glamorous side of living outside of your passport country - and maybe gives them some insight into what other friends might be dealing with. 

And this openness gives me the opportunity to share my faith, and God the opportunity to demonstrate His goodness to a broader audience, whether it be through the removal of the challenge, or through the way He sustains me in spite of the challenge. I want to be open to God using me to demonstrate who He is, regardless of how He chooses to do so.

I also have a couple of concrete goals I want to focus on, but I believe they will contribute to these goals and this new frame of mind for the new year.

Do you like to set goals or make resolutions as you enter a new year? Are there things you will be trying in 2015? Habits you will try to leave behind in 2014? How will you approach this new year and these new opportunities?

So disconnected (I unfriend you!)

We typically don't realize how disconnected we are from American culture. That is, until someone from the US comes to visit us.

Case in point: this Esurance commercial (video below). We just saw it for the first time tonight. Hilarious.

Yeah, apparently we are always behind. In hearing news, seeing the latest and greatest from music or television, finding out about the newest technology (unless it's Apple: Zack never misses any of that!), or being exposed to all the clever advertising.

But hey - at least we aren't as disconnected as poor Beatrice!

Confessions of a cross-cultural mom: the art of goodbye

Most of the time we love our life here. I mean, L.O.V.E. love it.

But there are some aspects of the cross-cultural/ex-pat life that are tough.

Last night, as I tried to console my 9 year old, he reminded me of one of the toughest. In between heavy sobs and rivers of tears, he cried out "I don't want to say goodbye!"

He had just gone to bed after saying goodnight to his Gram (my mom), who has been here the past several days, and was flying back to the states this morning. And as I attempted to calm him, all I could do was hold him tight and agree.

Our lives are a series of hellos and goodbyes. Maybe that is true for everyone, but it is amplified when you live outside your passport country. We are always thrilled to have visitors. And yet, we've all come to the point where we recognize that every visit also means a goodbye is around the corner. We look forward to company meetings where we get to connect with coworkers from all over Europe that we haven't seen in a long time. And those goodbyes are on a different level, as it involves a collection of families that are all accustomed to this part of life. It might be the goodbyes of visiting with friends on vacation, or the goodbye when a friend here moves back to their home country.

So if you know someone living cross-culturally, understand that goodbye can be a difficult thing. Grant them some grace if they struggle for a period after a visit or trip. It is not at all a reflection on their unhappiness in their current setting. But it is a reality of having your heart in two different places.

Home. No place like it. #expatlife

Growing up, I remember a sign that read:

Home is where the heart is

It was just a sign then. But living the ex-pat life has really brought that phrase to life. The idea of home changes a lot when you find yourself living in five different places over the course of 6 months. (So thankful we've been able to call one place home for the past 15 months!) Longtime neighbors and being recognized at the local supermarket are replaced by packing, unpacking, and trying to learn your way around.

Over the past year and a half, we've come to have this joke that one of the highest compliments we can pay someone is to tell them something feels normal. Sitting outside for dinner with our neighbors - normal. Spending time with our friends on their boat - normal. Smelling freshly mowed grass - normal. Things that are familiar from our "past life" can bring a sense of comfort.

And yet, normal also changes as you move from culture to culture.

Home is where the heart is. It is the place where we are all together, the place where we can unpack a suitcase and use our own pillows, where we can relax and breathe easy.

After almost two years of this new life, these are things we've learned. But I also know that when we visit the states in the future, we will have some adjustments to make and some reverse culture shock to deal with.

I just read THIS ARTICLE, and it has some really helpful and practical info for returning to your home country.

Thought I'd post it on the blog...

1. So I can reference it when we visit America for a couple of months next year
2. For those who might be returning to their home culture soon
3. For those of you who have friends or family returning the states after an extended period overseas

What's it like: Being the new person #expatliving

I don't know about you, but the thought of being the new person has always brought on a lot of anxiety for me.

I remember the summer before fourth grade, when my parents moved us to a new city. I left the comfort of a small private school where I knew everyone, and began public school for the first time. The first day was filled with lots of butterflies in the stomach. But I have to tell you how relieved I was when I met another girl in my class who was also a first-timer, after her first few years in private school. We quickly became friends, and remain friends now, nearly 30 years later.

Then came the bigger move, in the middle of tenth grade. After years with friends and many layers of comfort and familiarity, I had to transfer mid-school year to a new high school, an hour+ away from our old town. I knew no one. No.One. Sixteen years old, with my own car, I suddenly found myself alone again. And riding the bus. Yes, humiliating. And this was the country. So all the kids - from elementary to high school - rode on one bus together. As the bus driver blasted Billy Ray Cyrus. Every.single.day.

That transition was a bit harder, but I made it. In America, at least in my experience, people tend to be curious about the new person. They introduce themselves to you, and ask questions.


And I thought that was normal. But as with many things over the past year, I'm learning that some of what we considered 'normal' is really more cultural.

Foreign to Familiar
by Sarah A. Lanier

Such is the case with being the new person. Thankfully, we read about what to expect before we arrived in Norway. So it wasn't a total surprise. But there is a difference in reading something and experiencing it firsthand...

In America, people introduce themselves to the new person. But here in Norway, the new person should not simply assume or expect the same. We've learned that if you want to meet people, you need to just go ahead and introduce yourself. It's one of the cultural differences we've come to recognize and accept.

What is it like where you come from? Who introduces whom? Have you ever had a cross-cultural difference that created difficulties?


Related Reading: Much of this stems from the differences between Hot and Cold cultures/societies. A year or two ago, I read a book that helped me a lot in processing these differences: Foreign to Familiar: A Guide to Understanding Hot and Cold-Climate Cultures. A great read to help you recognize and hopefully avoid cross-culture misunderstandings.